Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
