it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
