**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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