I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
