I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The air was thick with penises
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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