I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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