I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
