I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I want a musical about memes.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
