she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
