If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
