It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
