I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
