Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
