please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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