did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
