Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We talked him into tasing himself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
