I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
