Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
