2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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