So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
