Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
