New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were trust falling into bushes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
