Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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