Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Randomize
