my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
