if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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