A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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