It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
