So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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