i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
