If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
