ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i came on her dog
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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