All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
