where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
