She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
