I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
