ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
