More tranny stories later!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
