its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
