Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
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