Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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