Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
