I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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