I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize
