you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
