When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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