I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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