your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Watching her eat just hurts me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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