I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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