Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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